Mother's Day

I've never been a very big fan of Mother's Day. My mother spent a good portion of my formative years in and out of mental hospitals. She is manic. Now, this isn't to say that she is a bad mother. She is a good mother, but the issues of my childhood and her illness have affected our relationship.

Like most of us, I love my mother, but she drives me crazy. The main difference I see in our relationship from the relationships of my girlfriends and their mothers is that my mother and I are just not as connected. We are not close. This is something that used to bother me, but as I have grown older I have learned to accept. It does make finding a Mother's Day card a bit problematic though.

Seriously....I just can't identify with the cards in the store. And writing something mushy and loving on the inside of the card myself...forget about it! I break out into hives just thinking of it.

As you can imagine, my anticipation of this Mother's Day was a bit worse than usual. This would have been my first Mother's Day had my I not miscarried last year. The day was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.

I really hope that I'll be a mom by next Mother's Day. Time will tell.