Thursday, June 28, 2007

ultrasound

I had another u/s yesterday and it went great. The baby is still measuring a little behind, but consistent with my ovulation date. The heartbeat was 160. We are officially past the point when the baby died last time, so this is a huge relief.

We plan on telling our families next week. I'm very nervous about telling them, and question if it is too early, but I really think it's time. We were actually at my parents house last night and I almost slipped a couple of times. So, on the 4th of July we we share the big news.

I am really loving my new doc and my husband got to come with me yesterday and agreed that this practice is a much better fit for us. I'm finding it hard to beleive how well everything is going, but I'm not going to question a good thing. I'll just have to pinch myself every so often.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Husbands

My husband and I have been pretty introspective since I found out I was pregnant. I don't know if this is a coping mechanism or what, but it hasn't really bothered either of us too much. We just haven't been as connected as usual. We did go out this weekend on a nice date to dinner and a play. It was fun and something I think we both needed.

Lately, it's been really hard to talk to him about the pregnancy. Every time I have a fear about the pregnancy and express it to him, he gets freaked out. He acts like I have some magical crystal ball into the world of what is going on in my uterus. It pisses me off. I don't know just has much as he doesn't know, but I can't talk to him about my fears or having a bad day because it freaks him out. I explained this to him last night and I think he understands.

I have another sonogram tomorrow. This one was at my request to calm my nerves before we tell our families next week. I'm nervous about it. I'm hoping that it really will calm my nerves. It seems like I'm good for a week after a sono and then during that 2nd week wait I start to get freaked out. Hopefully I'll feel more positive after this one.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

New doctor

Well, I found a new OB that I really like. My old practice was just too big, and I never really felt like an individual patient there. Every conversation I had with someone made me feel rushed....like they had better things to do than deal with me. So, I decided to meet with some other OB's. This new one is great! It's a small practice, so it's just her and her midwife and one other doc that just does GYN patients. They are looking to hire another OB as well. She spent 20 min just talking to me and getting to know me. I asked if I could get a sono before we tell the families and she has me scheduled for one the week before. She is awesome! It's like a weight is lifted off of me!

One thing she offered that the other practice didn't was NT screening for chromosomal abnormalities. My husband and I are opting to do this (so long as insurance will cover it). We would not terminate if there was something wrong, but if there is, we'd like to have time to prepare for the challenges it could present. I have to go in for that between 11-13 weeks, so that will be yet another sono as well!

We have decided to tell our families on July 4th. I think my parents will come over for DH's parents big party so it seems that would be a good time to tell them. I'll be 10 weeks. I'm pretty nervous to let the cat out of the bag, and it's a bit earlier than we had planned, but if all goes well on the next sonogram there's no reason not to tell.

I saw my therapist last night and kept refering to the pregnancy as "everything seems okay". She corrected me and said, "no, right now, everything is okay". So, I'll sign off saying Everything is okay.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Father's Day reflections

Last year on Father's Day we announced our pregnancy to our families. I was in my 4th week. Currently, I'm in the end of my 7th. We told them by having my husband wear a shirt that said, "world's greatest dad". It's so bittersweet now that that day is coming around the corner. We are going to wait for another 3 weeks or so to tell everyone. I'm nervous about it. They were so thrilled the last time, I fear that this time they won't be as excited. It wasn't just our innocence that was taken away, but theirs as well.

I want to give my husband something from the baby, but I'm not sure how appropriate that would be. I was thinking of a bib or onesie that says "I love my daddy". Part of me feels that is so cheezy though! I feel bad for him...this will be the second Father's day that I've been pregnant. I've never been pregnant on Mother's Day. I don't know which is worse.

Speaking of my husband, he is so wonderful. He bought tickets to a play I've been wanting to see. This isn't something we do very often and it was just really sweet and romantic. He said it was something we could do that wasn't smoky, didn't involve drinking, and we deserved it after all our recent stress. I really do have the best husband in the world.

I had a wonderful dream last night where I gave birth by c-section to a baby boy. My husband was there with me and we were blissfully happy. I breastfed and all the emotions and love I felt were so real in the dream. I hope dreams really are an indication of how things will go.

I have an appointment with a new OB practice on Monday to check them out. I like my doctor, but have had trouble getting test results and call backs in a timely manner. I just wanted to check out another for comparison. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping that I like them. They are closer to home and deliver out of a hospital that is a bit nicer.

Right now I'm just trying to trust my baby, trust my body, and trust in God. I suppose that is all you really can do.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

We have a heartbeat!

My DH and I just had our follow up sonogram this morning. We were able to see the baby's heartbeat and things look like they are progressing nicely! Baby is measuring a bit behind, but they aren't concerned based on the fact that I have long cycles and am a late ovulator. The heartbeat was 126. Little bean looks good! I feel like I'm able to breathe for the first time in a week. Thank you everyone for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. What a happy day!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

quick update

You didn't think I'd keep you in suspense until Wednesday did you? That would just be too mean. Well, I got the braces. It sucks, but I'm dealing with it. Eating is a challenge, but it gets better each day. I'm not wild about the way I look, but my husband keeps reassuring me that I look great...he is the best!

Yesterday I was really nauseous and almost threw up. Strangely, I was really happy about this. I felt like this was a very positive sign until today. This afternoon I started spotting again. It was only a little and not red like last time, but it still has me very nervous. I'll call the OB in the morning if it hasn't let up. I know there isn't anything they can do about it right now.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

oh the rollarcoaster

So, I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom. As usual, I checked the tp for any spotting. Well, there it was...red as red can be. I called my husband and he ran in the bathroom...I was in total disbelief. I called the on call OB and he said to call the office when the lines opened an hour and a half later to get an ultrasound scheduled. It was the longest morning of my life.

We got in for the ultrasound and were able to see a gestational sac and yolk sac. No heartbeat. The tech said it wasn't a big deal because I have long cycles and ovulate a bit on the late side. Still, I was hoping to have the sigh of relief of a nice strong heart beat. At any rate, we have another ultrasound scheduled for one week from today.

I had a 3rd beta yesterday and the results of that came back this morning. They look good! According to my OB's office, they think things look fine for now. I'm measuring on time and they aren't concerned there is no heartbeat yet.

Still, I'm a very scared and worried about next week's u/s. It feels like a lifetime away. Luckily, the spotting has stopped for now.

I'm also getting braces tomorrow. I debated all morning on weather or not I should go through with it given the circumstances, but in the end it will be a good distraction. Not getting them now is just putting off the inevitable.

So, if you pray, I ask that you say a prayer for this little one to be well. I guess we'll know for sure how things look (as much as we can) in a week.