I find that I'm really starting to resent taking my birth control pills every night. I don't want to be preventing pregnancy, I want to be pregnant. It seems everywhere I look someone is getting pregnant or having a baby. Why can't I be part of that club? I really really just want to be a mom...I'm ready for this. I want to see my husband be a father and be a parent with him. It really consumes me and is most of what I think about on any given day.
These thoughts get me on an even crazier track where I start to say, "fuck what the doctors say, let's just get pregnant anyway". I actually said that to my husband last night and his response was, "so you are smarter than the doctors? They are wrong and you are right?".
My husband is, of course, right. The doctors have been wonderful, and I really believe that they have my best interests at heart.
Is thinking about getting pregnant all the time normal? There are so many other things in life to think about. I was at an arts festival this weekend and saw someone pushing the stroller we had wanted. Jealousy raged. I read other blogs and see the women who have had a hard time getting/staying pregnant making their happy announcements and while I'm happy for them, I'm so sad for me. I don't like it, but I just can't seem to help it.
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