I should have posted yesterday, but I just didn't think to. I was so stressed out! My doctor's office didn't call until 4:00pm, but it was good news. My levels are rising nicely.
I go in next Tuesday for another draw and if that beta looks good, I'll be able to schedule and ultrasound.
You would think I'd be relieved, but I'm very stressed out. All this waiting for things to happen is stressful. On top of it, I haven't been thrilled with my ob's office and am thinking of switching to a new one. Oh, and next week, I'm getting braces. Yes, BRACES! UGG!
Any suggestions out there for good stress management tools?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
tenderhooks
I'm waiting for the doctor office to call and let me know if my betas are rising as they should. This is the longest morning ever.......
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
a scare already
Last week I went in for my first ob/gyn visit. They took some blood to do a beta. On Friday they called back. The nurse said my levels looked low and the doctor was very concerned. The doctor that reviewed my results was not the doctor I have been seeing (he was out of town) but another doctor in the practice. He was not optimistic and they said to come in Tuesday (today) for another blood draw and call if I started bleeding over the weekend. Of course, my heart sank and all my critical thinking skills went out the window.
Then I started thinking about it. 58 seemed a fine level for 13 DPO. Ahh, but they don't know I'm a late ovulator....they haven't seen my charts. So, according to their universal stupid magic wheel, I should have been closer to 17 DPO in which case yes, 58 is worrisome. I spent the day asking questions on message boards, doing research and worrying. 58 is fine...this is what I heard over and over again.
I'll get the results of todays test tomorrow and we'll see if the levels are rising as they should. This will let us know for sure how things look so far.
I'm angry at the way my doctor's office handled this situation. They called me and basically said I would miscarry again without all the information they really needed to make that assessment. I'm thinking about switching practices. I like the doctor I've been seeing, but this whole thing just has me worried and pissed. Neither of which I really need right now.
I feel better since I've done research on my own....58 is fine! Still, the ominous call puts the reality of what can go wrong clearly into perspective. Will I ever be able to just enjoy this pregnancy?
Then I started thinking about it. 58 seemed a fine level for 13 DPO. Ahh, but they don't know I'm a late ovulator....they haven't seen my charts. So, according to their universal stupid magic wheel, I should have been closer to 17 DPO in which case yes, 58 is worrisome. I spent the day asking questions on message boards, doing research and worrying. 58 is fine...this is what I heard over and over again.
I'll get the results of todays test tomorrow and we'll see if the levels are rising as they should. This will let us know for sure how things look so far.
I'm angry at the way my doctor's office handled this situation. They called me and basically said I would miscarry again without all the information they really needed to make that assessment. I'm thinking about switching practices. I like the doctor I've been seeing, but this whole thing just has me worried and pissed. Neither of which I really need right now.
I feel better since I've done research on my own....58 is fine! Still, the ominous call puts the reality of what can go wrong clearly into perspective. Will I ever be able to just enjoy this pregnancy?
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I'm pregnant
Monday I spent all day stressed out and so I figured I'd put my mind at ease and take a pregnancy test. So, I took a test and expected to see something right away. I didn't. I was frustrated and threw the test away. Then, for some reason I decided to grab the test out of the trash can for one last look. It was positive! A very very faint line, but it was there. Three days later the lines are darker and I actually believe it. I'm pregnant. My due date is Jan. 29, 2008.
Yesterday I spent all day completely stressed out about all the things that can go wrong. Today, for some reason, I'm feeling better. I had my first doctor appointment this morning and will be going in for my first u/s in a couple of weeks.
I'm happy, but kind of numb about the whole thing. I just really don't want to loose this one. It doesn't help that the time line is so similar to my last pregnancy. My last due date was Feb. 23, 2007.
Last time I had a very strong feeling it would be a girl. They tested the tissue after the d&c and it was. I'm feeling boy this time....we'll see....
I've only told a handful of people. We are not telling our families until I'm further along. If you are a praying kind, please pray that this one sticks.
Yesterday I spent all day completely stressed out about all the things that can go wrong. Today, for some reason, I'm feeling better. I had my first doctor appointment this morning and will be going in for my first u/s in a couple of weeks.
I'm happy, but kind of numb about the whole thing. I just really don't want to loose this one. It doesn't help that the time line is so similar to my last pregnancy. My last due date was Feb. 23, 2007.
Last time I had a very strong feeling it would be a girl. They tested the tissue after the d&c and it was. I'm feeling boy this time....we'll see....
I've only told a handful of people. We are not telling our families until I'm further along. If you are a praying kind, please pray that this one sticks.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Stressful Month
Well, I'm 11 DPO today and dying to take a pregnancy test. Yesterday I was overwhelmingly exhausted and I felt nauseous. Of course, I am a firm believer in the fact that you can make this shit up in your head if you try hard enough. Today, I'm cramping and think my period is coming. In my head?? We'll find out soon enough I guess.
This past month has been very stressful. At the beginning of the month, I went in for my usual dental checkup and found out that I have to get braces. Well, that's not entirely true. I've been avoiding braces for many years now and I was told I really have now choice now. So, on June 7th I'll be getting braces I don't even want for the bargain price of $6200. At least my dental will partially cover it.
A week after learning I needed braces, we learned a pipe was leaking in our front yard. The original quote to fix it was $4500, but we shopped around and found a great place that could do it for $1900. Of course, that really did feel like a bargain after the original quote.
All of this got me quite a bit stressed out, mainly because the money for this stuff is money I've set aside for when I take maternity leave. So, at firs when all this happened I said, "Well, if I don't get pregnant this month it's no big deal". WHO AM I KIDDING!!!??? Of course it's a big deal!
In all this stress I've realized I don't really have an outlet anymore. Or, I don't use the outlets I have. After my miscarriage last year I took up knitting. It was all I did in my spare time and I really loved it. Oh, and I worked out too. For the past couple of months though I haven't even touched it (the knitting or the work out equipment). I'm thinking it's time to get the needles out again and hop back on that elliptical machine. Right after I go pee on a stick.....
This past month has been very stressful. At the beginning of the month, I went in for my usual dental checkup and found out that I have to get braces. Well, that's not entirely true. I've been avoiding braces for many years now and I was told I really have now choice now. So, on June 7th I'll be getting braces I don't even want for the bargain price of $6200. At least my dental will partially cover it.
A week after learning I needed braces, we learned a pipe was leaking in our front yard. The original quote to fix it was $4500, but we shopped around and found a great place that could do it for $1900. Of course, that really did feel like a bargain after the original quote.
All of this got me quite a bit stressed out, mainly because the money for this stuff is money I've set aside for when I take maternity leave. So, at firs when all this happened I said, "Well, if I don't get pregnant this month it's no big deal". WHO AM I KIDDING!!!??? Of course it's a big deal!
In all this stress I've realized I don't really have an outlet anymore. Or, I don't use the outlets I have. After my miscarriage last year I took up knitting. It was all I did in my spare time and I really loved it. Oh, and I worked out too. For the past couple of months though I haven't even touched it (the knitting or the work out equipment). I'm thinking it's time to get the needles out again and hop back on that elliptical machine. Right after I go pee on a stick.....
Monday, May 14, 2007
Important bill you should be aware of
Please Please Please check out this post over at "a little pregnant":
http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2007/05/also_please_ask.html
I know this is an issue that affects many of us and it's worth checking out! I just went to the website and it literally took me less than an minute to send the form letter to my local representative.
http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2007/05/also_please_ask.html
I know this is an issue that affects many of us and it's worth checking out! I just went to the website and it literally took me less than an minute to send the form letter to my local representative.
Mother's Day
I've never been a very big fan of Mother's Day. My mother spent a good portion of my formative years in and out of mental hospitals. She is manic. Now, this isn't to say that she is a bad mother. She is a good mother, but the issues of my childhood and her illness have affected our relationship.
Like most of us, I love my mother, but she drives me crazy. The main difference I see in our relationship from the relationships of my girlfriends and their mothers is that my mother and I are just not as connected. We are not close. This is something that used to bother me, but as I have grown older I have learned to accept. It does make finding a Mother's Day card a bit problematic though.
Seriously....I just can't identify with the cards in the store. And writing something mushy and loving on the inside of the card myself...forget about it! I break out into hives just thinking of it.
As you can imagine, my anticipation of this Mother's Day was a bit worse than usual. This would have been my first Mother's Day had my I not miscarried last year. The day was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.
I really hope that I'll be a mom by next Mother's Day. Time will tell.
Like most of us, I love my mother, but she drives me crazy. The main difference I see in our relationship from the relationships of my girlfriends and their mothers is that my mother and I are just not as connected. We are not close. This is something that used to bother me, but as I have grown older I have learned to accept. It does make finding a Mother's Day card a bit problematic though.
Seriously....I just can't identify with the cards in the store. And writing something mushy and loving on the inside of the card myself...forget about it! I break out into hives just thinking of it.
As you can imagine, my anticipation of this Mother's Day was a bit worse than usual. This would have been my first Mother's Day had my I not miscarried last year. The day was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.
I really hope that I'll be a mom by next Mother's Day. Time will tell.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
on birth
A co-worker's wife just had their fourth child and I found out today. This has made me reflect on my changing feelings about the news of birth.
Before I had been pregnant this last time, I was truly happy and excited when I heard about someone having a new baby. It was cool and fascinating...something very far away from me. The people that became parents were just so brave.
After my first miscarriage in college it was a little hard to hear of births at first, but overall it didn't effect me as much. I think this was mainly because the pregnancy was unplanned and I only knew about it for a couple of days before I started bleeding. In the end, I really saw the miscarriage as a thing that was for the best.
After my miscarriage last year things were very different. I planned that baby with my husband and we were both so excited. In the aftermath, I would get so angry when I'd hear of someone giving birth. The news made me fill with rage and jealousy. Sometimes, I can still feel those twinges of emotion if I'm having a bad day and let it come in.
Today, upon hearing the news of my co-workers new baby I realized that now when I hear the news of a birth I greet it with ambivalence. I feel nothing. I visited the website and saw the baby and felt nothing. My only thought was that she looked good for a newborn (let's face it, they aren't usually all that good looking).
On the hospital website I looked around and came to the section of FAQ's. It was really strange, but as I came across the "what to bring to the hospital" list I felt anger. The anger wasn't really the strange part, but more what I felt angry about. It mentioned to bring a ponytail holder to pull back long hair during delivery. I have long hair, and got this immediate visual of myself in labor with my hair pulled back. It was a strange thing to have resonate so clearly. At least I'm moving on from being angry at people to inanimate objects. It seems like a step in the right direction.
Before I had been pregnant this last time, I was truly happy and excited when I heard about someone having a new baby. It was cool and fascinating...something very far away from me. The people that became parents were just so brave.
After my first miscarriage in college it was a little hard to hear of births at first, but overall it didn't effect me as much. I think this was mainly because the pregnancy was unplanned and I only knew about it for a couple of days before I started bleeding. In the end, I really saw the miscarriage as a thing that was for the best.
After my miscarriage last year things were very different. I planned that baby with my husband and we were both so excited. In the aftermath, I would get so angry when I'd hear of someone giving birth. The news made me fill with rage and jealousy. Sometimes, I can still feel those twinges of emotion if I'm having a bad day and let it come in.
Today, upon hearing the news of my co-workers new baby I realized that now when I hear the news of a birth I greet it with ambivalence. I feel nothing. I visited the website and saw the baby and felt nothing. My only thought was that she looked good for a newborn (let's face it, they aren't usually all that good looking).
On the hospital website I looked around and came to the section of FAQ's. It was really strange, but as I came across the "what to bring to the hospital" list I felt anger. The anger wasn't really the strange part, but more what I felt angry about. It mentioned to bring a ponytail holder to pull back long hair during delivery. I have long hair, and got this immediate visual of myself in labor with my hair pulled back. It was a strange thing to have resonate so clearly. At least I'm moving on from being angry at people to inanimate objects. It seems like a step in the right direction.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
A better week
For some reason I feel better this week. There is no rhyme or reason to it, but I'm not going to question a good thing. I met with my therapist last night and we talked about the emotional rollarcoaster that is trying to conceive. It's hard wanting something and being disappointed month after month. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here, but after a while I think you just start to become resigned to the fact that it's hard. Up until now I've been fighting that notion.
A good friend let me borrow her fertility monitor which helped her get pregnant. I got a high reading this morning which is kind of early for me. My husband was thrilled because this means he'll get laid a lot. I am happy as well because this could mean a couple of days will be shaved of my cycle this month. Two days less of waiting. Score!
We have a spare room in our house that is meant to be a nursery. We never decorated it, but did paint it a pale blue when we moved in 2 years ago. Now, it has turned into a storage room. It's a mess. It's funny because it seems in some ways that the room has become a metaphor for my uterus. Bear with me here. Before we got pregnant last time, the room was filling up with baby related things - an old rocking chair, a small coat rack I had as a little girl, a bookcase. It was just starting to look right for a baby. Now, it looks like a bomb went off in it. I think we need to clean it out. Feng Shui the fucker. Feng Shui the room, feng shui the uterus?
A good friend let me borrow her fertility monitor which helped her get pregnant. I got a high reading this morning which is kind of early for me. My husband was thrilled because this means he'll get laid a lot. I am happy as well because this could mean a couple of days will be shaved of my cycle this month. Two days less of waiting. Score!
We have a spare room in our house that is meant to be a nursery. We never decorated it, but did paint it a pale blue when we moved in 2 years ago. Now, it has turned into a storage room. It's a mess. It's funny because it seems in some ways that the room has become a metaphor for my uterus. Bear with me here. Before we got pregnant last time, the room was filling up with baby related things - an old rocking chair, a small coat rack I had as a little girl, a bookcase. It was just starting to look right for a baby. Now, it looks like a bomb went off in it. I think we need to clean it out. Feng Shui the fucker. Feng Shui the room, feng shui the uterus?
Friday, April 27, 2007
hard at home
I've been down ever since I got my period this week. It seems hardest at home. I've come to realized that it's hard at home because that is where I feel emptiest. It's really strange. I have a great house, job, husband, dog...there are truly many wonderful things in my life. The only thing that is missing is a child and it's when I'm home that I feel that missing piece the most.
I've really been at a place of peace for a while now, but this week I just feel empty. The milestones are hard. I passed my due date in Feb, and not getting pregnant this last cycle put my out of the running for a 2007 baby.
It's bad when I go home. That is the place that I want to have be filled with the joy of children, but it's just me and my husband. I'm so greatful for everything in my life, but there is just this one thing missing from it. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and understanding. I'm just so frustrated at myself that I'm feeling this way. Especially after being okay for so long now.
I've really been at a place of peace for a while now, but this week I just feel empty. The milestones are hard. I passed my due date in Feb, and not getting pregnant this last cycle put my out of the running for a 2007 baby.
It's bad when I go home. That is the place that I want to have be filled with the joy of children, but it's just me and my husband. I'm so greatful for everything in my life, but there is just this one thing missing from it. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and understanding. I'm just so frustrated at myself that I'm feeling this way. Especially after being okay for so long now.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
more period
Well, I got my period again this month. We've only been trying for two months but we've been waiting for so long since the last miscarriage. If I don't get pregnant this cycle, my next cycle will be the same one I got pregnant with last summer. Almost a whole year has gone by since I got pregnant.
I'm not devastated, but I am disappointed. I'm just really ready to be a Mom and want it with every ounce of who I am.
I'm not devastated, but I am disappointed. I'm just really ready to be a Mom and want it with every ounce of who I am.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Period
It arrived this morning with a vengeance and some nasty cramping. I'm actually okay with it. I would have thought it would make me upset, but it doesn't. It's just really nice to finally know one way or the other. I checked a due date calendar for this month and I'd be due the 29th of December if I got pregnant this month. I love the holiday season and that is kind of exciting! Here's hoping this is our month!
DH and I are going out of town for a couple of days for a little getaway and that will be right around when I should be ovulating, so I'm really hopeful!
DH and I are going out of town for a couple of days for a little getaway and that will be right around when I should be ovulating, so I'm really hopeful!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
waiting
Well, about a month ago I went in for my annual exam and the doctor said we could start trying again. This was a big surprise and we are both very excited and scared.
I am a couple of days late as of this writing and have not had a positive test yet. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant, but would really like to know one way or the other. It's so easy to get obsessive in the 2 week wait.
Still, I wonder, if I am pregnant, will it make me feel better? Then I'll just be waiting for the first trimester to end...then to find out the sex, and then to meet the little bugger. I suppose I'm starting to realize more and more that from the very start of the process, becoming a parent is a long and sometimes painful lesson in patience.
I'm still trying to find mine.
I am a couple of days late as of this writing and have not had a positive test yet. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant, but would really like to know one way or the other. It's so easy to get obsessive in the 2 week wait.
Still, I wonder, if I am pregnant, will it make me feel better? Then I'll just be waiting for the first trimester to end...then to find out the sex, and then to meet the little bugger. I suppose I'm starting to realize more and more that from the very start of the process, becoming a parent is a long and sometimes painful lesson in patience.
I'm still trying to find mine.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The worst thing ever said
I’m not sure if I wrote about this before, but the day after I found out the baby died last year, I spoke with my mother. My husband called her the day we found out to tell her, and the next day I gave her a call to talk. She suffered 5 miscarriages herself and I thought she would be a big source of comfort.
When we spoke, she said the worst thing to me anyone had said. She said, “Well, maybe we didn’t love it enough”. Now, there are a lot of ways she could have meant this, but there isn’t a single one that is right. When you have a miscarriage you learn to deal with all of the stupid things that people say to you. You just really don’t expect the stupid things to come from your family.
I let it go at the time. I was too out of it and drained to stir something up over it. The result of that comment though was quite a bit of withdrawal on my part from my mother. She and I have had a somewhat rocky relationship over the years, so this withdrawal has only compounded that for her.
Yesterday she sent me a nasty e-mail about me not calling enough and other various things. She has a tendency of doing that to me every so often. I called her this morning to address them and she brought up my lack of speaking with her about my miscarriage. I told her why. She has no recollection of ever saying such a thing.
The idea of trying again has really brought up some issues for me as to how I want to define my relationship with my mother. What do you think?Wednesday, February 07, 2007
coming to a place of peace
I think I'm coming into a place of peace. I'm days away from my due date and as I get closer it seems like I come more and more to terms with things. It is still hard sometimes, but I'm okay with it being hard and that makes a big difference. I think it also is helpful that we plan on starting to try again in April. I don't know that I'll ever fully get over my loss and I hate that it will taint my future pregnancies. I just hope that it does offer me more appreciation when the time does come for all that motherhood will bring.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
ups and downs
It seems that I cant make up my mind if I'm okay or not lately. Today is such a bad day for me. My cousin called yesterday to tell me she is pregnant. I'm happy for her. I feel it is so important to say that before I go off on my selfish tirade. Seriously, another fucking pregnant person. This has put me in such a bad place. To top it all off my husband and I are fighting. None of these things bother him...this news doesn't phase him at all. The face that I would have been due in 6 weeks means nothing. For me these are devastating reminders of what we have lost. Neither of us seems to be able to understand where the other is coming from. I'm tired and sick of being sad about this and I'm even more tired of fighting about it.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
glad that's over
I'm feeling much more positive now that Christmas is over. This week has been pretty light at work, and I've finally been able to come down from the holiday craziness. We plan on starting to try again in March and now that we are closer to that I somehow am feeling better. I have a goal of getting in shape before we start trying again and have lost 5 lbs so far. They will probably come right back on after the holiday, but that's okay because I can get back on track.
I'm also going to try and see another OB before we start trying again just to help things along. I think a second opinion on the molar and MTHFR issues is probably a good idea.
I'm also going to try and see another OB before we start trying again just to help things along. I think a second opinion on the molar and MTHFR issues is probably a good idea.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Merry Christmas
My levels were zero again this month which means I am not pregnant. This also means that I will not be needing chemo. Merry Christmas to me. This should make me happy, and it really does, but I'd rather just be 7-8 months pregnant right now like I was supposed to be.
My bitterness is there under the surface and so much more noticeable over this time of holiday cheer. This year I lost my baby, had said baby sucked out of me (twice), watched two friends have their first babies and experience a joy that was ripped away from me (one of said babies was also born on my birthday), found out my infertile cousin is pregnant with a naturally conceived surprise baby after two rounds of successful invitro, found out my friend who miscarried two weeks after me is pregnant again, changed jobs (twice), found out I can't get pregnant for quite some time and might have issues carrying babies to term.
Merry fucking Christmas.
I do have a lot to be greatful for in my life. I have a wonderful husband, a job that pays well and I enjoy, a terrific dog. I have a great house that I just finished decorating and that I love. I have a closet full of nice clothes. I have my health. Still, all I want for Christmas was the life that I had in me and was taken away from me. So, I'll go and put on the obligatory Christmas cheer and pray by this time next year I am a mom, of a healthy baby.
My bitterness is there under the surface and so much more noticeable over this time of holiday cheer. This year I lost my baby, had said baby sucked out of me (twice), watched two friends have their first babies and experience a joy that was ripped away from me (one of said babies was also born on my birthday), found out my infertile cousin is pregnant with a naturally conceived surprise baby after two rounds of successful invitro, found out my friend who miscarried two weeks after me is pregnant again, changed jobs (twice), found out I can't get pregnant for quite some time and might have issues carrying babies to term.
Merry fucking Christmas.
I do have a lot to be greatful for in my life. I have a wonderful husband, a job that pays well and I enjoy, a terrific dog. I have a great house that I just finished decorating and that I love. I have a closet full of nice clothes. I have my health. Still, all I want for Christmas was the life that I had in me and was taken away from me. So, I'll go and put on the obligatory Christmas cheer and pray by this time next year I am a mom, of a healthy baby.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
less bitter
Well, I'm a bit less bitter than I was on my last post. Seeing my therapist of course helped. I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that this is just hard, and going to be hard.
My co-worker that miscarried right after me just found out she is pregnant again. She e-mailed me this morning to let me know. I am happy for her, and her e-mail was nice, saying how she understood that the news is not easy for me to hear. I know she gets it and that makes it a little easier. I feel for her because she is so nervous something will go wrong again this time. Still, how I wish it were me.
I had my beta drawn yesterday as I must do every month. I should get the results today, but I feel pretty confident we are okay because I got my period and I'm not on the pill this month. If my hcg was up, I don't think I would have gotten it.
Christmas is on Monday and I'm just not in the spirit this year. Frankly, I just really want this year to be over....I really am ready to start fresh. I have been working out and trying to loose weight to hopefully be a little slimmer for the next pregnancy. I think we'll start trying in April, so that gives me a few more months to get there.
My DH will be coming to my next therapy appointment with me and I think it might help us out a bit. We've been a bit disconnected because we deal with the miscarriage so differently. I suppose in some ways that is normal, but it's getting old fast.
My co-worker that miscarried right after me just found out she is pregnant again. She e-mailed me this morning to let me know. I am happy for her, and her e-mail was nice, saying how she understood that the news is not easy for me to hear. I know she gets it and that makes it a little easier. I feel for her because she is so nervous something will go wrong again this time. Still, how I wish it were me.
I had my beta drawn yesterday as I must do every month. I should get the results today, but I feel pretty confident we are okay because I got my period and I'm not on the pill this month. If my hcg was up, I don't think I would have gotten it.
Christmas is on Monday and I'm just not in the spirit this year. Frankly, I just really want this year to be over....I really am ready to start fresh. I have been working out and trying to loose weight to hopefully be a little slimmer for the next pregnancy. I think we'll start trying in April, so that gives me a few more months to get there.
My DH will be coming to my next therapy appointment with me and I think it might help us out a bit. We've been a bit disconnected because we deal with the miscarriage so differently. I suppose in some ways that is normal, but it's getting old fast.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
trying not to think about it doesn't work either
Well, it's yet again been ages since I've posted. I was in therapy and things were going well so I decided the best thing to do was avoid everything that reminded me of my miscarriage. No websites, no blogging, not really talking about it much. Well, on my birthday (of course) some friends of ours had their first child. I asked my husband to call them and see how things were going, and this past Saturday I asked if he ever got a hold of them. He said yes, two days before and that they had the baby on my birthday. I was furious! I know he was trying to protect me but seriously!
Well, I got sent the pictures this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Their baby is only 2 and half months older than mind would have been. I'm in my office just wanting to sit and cry for an hour and I can't. Why is it that when we have a miscarriage, all our friends are having their first babies!? I mean isn't it bad enough that my baby died and i have to wait to try again? I think I'll write more later, right now I just really don't have anything to say.
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