Finally.....

Introducing Rowan Claire. I went in for an induction on the evening of the 30th and came out 24 hours later with a c-section due to the baby being stuck on my hip bone. Luckily I only really labored for about 12 hours - the first 12 were just getting the cervadil and waiting for that to do something. She is truly an amazing baby and we are totally in love with her. It was a long road to get here and worth every second.

I love the way she looks at me.
I love the noises she makes when she eats.
I love the way she smells.
I love the way my husband adores her.
I just love her.

I hope that those of you waiting receive you gift soon. Only now that she is here do I understand our trials to get here.

D day

Well, today is my due date and I'm still here waiting. I had a doctors appointment this afternoon and I'm still only fingertip dilated. Unless something miraculous happens in the next couple of days, I'll be going in Wednesday evening for my induction.

I worked today but decided that today will be my last day of work. I was going to work tomorrow as well but I just think I need to stop and give myself some time to rest and get ready for the work of labor.

The whole thing is really surreal at this point. People keep asking me if I'm excited, and I am, but no more than I was before. I don't think it's sunk in yet that I'm going to have my baby before the week ends.

Now, I just need to figure out how to keep myself occupied the next couple of days......

it didn't work

So, I took the castor oil (2 oz mixed with 2 oz of OJ) and all it did was cause me to have really bad diarrhea. I was so bummed out because I was soooo sure it would work! I'm starting to think this child will be in here until our induction scheduled on the 31st.

I'm sick of being pregnant and really want to have my baby. This is just getting old now. After having the miscarriage/partial molar pregnancy, I feel like I've been waiting for my baby for 2 years now, and in a way I have! I know I should be greatful for what I am about to have - there are others out there who waited much longer, have been through much more and are still waiting. Still, it is hard at the end. Like many things on this journey, it's just another lesson in patience. You would just think I would have some by now!

castor oil

I had my 39 week check up today....still fingertip dilated. The baby did drop more though and is now at -1 station. My midwife recommended trying some Castor oil to help get things started. I took it about 4 hours ago and so far just some cramping and diarrhea. I figure it was worth a try - hopefully something starts happening soon!

what a difference!

I've developed carpel tunnels syndrome from the pregnancy and went in to the OB to have it checked out today. I need to wear braces on my wrists, but other than that I'll be okay. They decided to do my weekly check up while I was there. So, since Friday there has been some progress. I'm 60% effaced, -2 station and fingertip dilated! Obviously I could still have a ways to go, but it's great news that my body is finally doing something it's supposed to! Hopefully this means the baby is coming soon!

still waiting

Well, My doctor's appointment yesterday showed that the baby is still high, not engaged at all and my cervix is tightly closed. I actually started crying when I got in the car I was so disappointed. (Hello pregnancy hormones?)

I had no idea the end of pregnancy could be this hard. I suffer from fibromyalgia, and for the past few weeks I've had a very bad flare up. This morning I woke up and could barely move one of my hands. I also have a hemorrhoid that is unbelievable painful. (Come on, you always knew you wanted to know these things about me!).

It's hard because I feel so conflicted. I went through a lot (though not nearly as much as some) to get here - to the end of a pregnancy that has thus far been successful. I feel that I should be greatful and overjoyed, but when you can barely move and are in constant pain with no end in sight it while having to work full time, it becomes very hard to remain positive.

I'm sure I'll get through all of this - but it's not easy!

getting to the end

Thanks for all your support on the mother in law issues. Things have settled down a bit, but mainly because I have not spoken to her since the dinner. I've just let my husband handle all conversations with her and it's been much better for me. We didn't even go over for Christmas which she was not happy about but my husband was firm on. We both were actually really exited to have a holiday for just the two of us - it's the last time we can really do that! I suppose I'll see my mother in law when we are in the hospital, but I'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. I figure I'll be so elated with my baby I won't really care much about dealing with her.

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant - will be 37 weeks (which is full term) on Monday. I had my first internal during my doctors visit today and the baby is head is down and my cervix is softening, but no dilation yet. My placenta has now also moved far enough away to cancel my c-section and go for a vaginal birth which was wonderful news!

As I'm coming to the end of my pregnancy it is amazing how many emotions I feel about the whole thing. I'm excited and nervous. I'm tired of being pregnant, but know I'll somehow still miss it when it's all over. Most of all, I can't wait to meet my little girl and start this new adventure with my husband. I love him so much and can't wait to see him hold her.

Now we just wait - hopefully it happens soon!

My Mother in law hates me

We had our dinner last night with the in laws. DH and I explained to MIL that she needs to understand this is our child and we need to make the decisions. She said she understood and totally agreed. Gimmer of hope? No.

She then asked where we planned on leaving her for daycare. I told her we weren't sure yet as we won't need it until August but have looked into a few places by our house. She asked which ones and we told her. As soon as the words "kinder care" came out of our mouth she gasped, said "no!" and shook her head. I nearly lost it. I got really upset and she told me not to get upset and that she shouldn't have said anything. I almost left the restaurant I was so mad. After going on about how she understood and would support our decisions as parents and in the next breath that!?

DH told her that we would make sure we are putting our daughter in the best place we can find and she said that did make her feel better? What the fuck? Like we would put our child in some shit hole?

And is that all? Of course not! She then looked at DH and said, "you might not remember this, but years ago we had lunch and you said to me, "Mom, you did such a good job raising me, I want you to raise my children", and I said that I wouldn't raise them, but I would help you in any way I could. I'm just trying to live up to my end of the bargain". It was SICK! It was as if I didn't exist and of course my opinion on my daughter's care doesn't matter. I asked DH about it later and he said he did tell his mom she did a good job raising him but never asked her to raise his kids.

After that I realized that there would be no getting through to her. I just kept pretty quiet the rest of the meal and made obligatory small talk. My birthday was last week and as we left she said, "oh and happy birthday" and walked out. Thanks for remembering bitch. She brings gifts for the baby, acknowledges she knew it was my birthday and didn't even bring a friggin card.

I suppose I'm glad we had the dinner. At least I now fully understand what my expectations should be. I'm not going to say she isn't a total disappointment though. I hate that this is what I have to deal with, but what can you do?

It's been a month!?

I just don't know where the time is going lately. I'm sorry to have not updated in so long.

Here are the basics:
I'm currently 33 weeks now and getting exhausted. My placenta is no longer previa, but still needs to move more to avoid a c-section. The baby is measuring a little small (17th percentile) so they are keeping an eye on her. I have yet another sonogram tomorrow.

As far as my MIL goes it's been a mess. She has not spoken to me since she hung up on me and I've tried to reach out to her. We did see her at Thanksgiving over at DH's aunt's house, but we pretty much avoided each other. She told DH she would speak to us after we have the baby and DH told her that was not an option. 2 weeks after telling her that she called him. She has agreed to meet us at a restaurant for dinner this Friday. I guess we'll see how it goes from there. It's hard though because it will take a while for things so be the same for me with her. She has really been selfish and nasty and created a lot of stress for us during what should be one of the happiest times of our lives.

Other than that things are good. I had my baby shower and it was a blast. We have most of our stuff and only a few things left to do to the nursery. I've loved being pregnant, but I'm really ready to be done and meet our girl. At least it's soon!

I promise to try and be better about updating!

no resolution

Well, my husband and I discussed it and decided it was best that I did not reach out to my mother in law. He has tried to call her twice this week and she refuses to speak to him. He is worried that if she were to speak with me she would loose her temper and get me upset again. I think at this point we have tried to reach out and there is little else we can do. Hopefully things will come to a resolution soon.

I'm starting to get more tired now that I'm in my third trimester and I'm feeling kind of big although everyone tells me I carry pretty small. With the shower and furniture coming this weekend, I'm really excited to work on the nursery and see how things come together. It's yet another thing that makes the fact our baby will be here soon that much more real.

mother in laws

Life has been chaotic, so I’m sorry for no updates in so long. Here is the latest:

Baby is 2lbs. 5oz as of yesterday's sonogram and my placenta previa is on the move - though not completely out of the way. I'm feeling pretty well and am 28 weeks along now. I've gained a total of 13.5 lbs so far and I'm pretty happy with that.

Now for the fun family drama info. Get your popcorn ready folks!

Our plan was to split 2 months of daycare care between my mother in law and my mom – my mom doing mornings since MIL works in mornings and MIL taking the afternoons. My mother in law was fine with this last we heard. She had offered to quit her job and do it FT but we just don't feel that is the right option for our family and told her that.

My mother in law called husband last week and told him she would not be taking care of our baby as she said she would for the couple of months we needed help when I go back to work. I called her back to see if something happened to upset her and she got all pissed at me. She questioned my choice of putting the baby in daycare and said we never communicated these things to her. The conversation ended up getting heated and she hung up on me.

Well, I got really upset and stressed about the whole thing and ended up L&D with contractions because of the stress of it. Baby and I are fine, but I was home on modified bed rest for week because of it.

So, my husband called his mom and let her know what happened. He told her not to call me or to come to my shower that is this weekend as we was concerned about another argument and wanted to keep us safe. She was upset and got mad at him that we didn't come over for her birthday a couple weeks ago (WTF!?). Never did she offer to help him out in any way while I was on bed rest for a week. Later she called him and left him a message asking how he could do this to her.

We found out through the grapevine that my MIL didn’t go into work all week. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong and blames my husband and I for upsetting her deeply.

Well, my shower is this weekend and I’m thinking about trying to reach out to her. You all might think I’m crazy, but we are going to have to resolve this eventually….The whole thing is a nightmare and I really hate that this has happened to us.

The most important thing is my baby and her health and THANK GOD she is okay. Any thoughts or advice you all have would be appreciated.

been so long!

It's been a while since I've posted. Things are going great, just really busy! I still need to get a sonogram picture up and I plan to scan some this weekend. We've gotten a lot done though which is really exciting. We have finished the registry, painted the nursery and gotten up the chair rail, ordered the furniture and picked a name! Oh, and my shower is all planned for the 11th of November. We are also signed up for our classes (lamaze, breastfeeding and hospital tour). Phew!

I had a follow up sonogram and the cyst on the baby's brain is now gone! I was really relieved. They said they are common, but it still had me worried. The placenta has moved a bit and is now only marginal and not complete. This is a good sign and we are hopeful it will be totally out of the way by the next sono. I'm still on pelvic rest and exercise restriction, but I'm pretty used to it at this point.

I'm 24 weeks and have only gained 8 lbs so far...I'm pretty proud of this one!

My DH has been wonderful and has not let me lift a finger. It's almost to the point of annoyance, and I asked him to start letting me do more. He finally admitted that he has some major fears of something going wrong still. I feel bad because I didn't realize this was still weighing on him so heavily. It is good to know though because now I can be a bit more sensitive to him and his needs. It really is easy to get wrapped up in yourself when you are pregnant!

I find it hard to beleive in just a few short months I'll be holding a baby in my arms. It does feel more and more real each day though and I just can't wait!

It's a....

GIRL!! I was so surprised. This whole pregnancy I've been convinced it is a boy. So much for maternal instincts! She was very cute and I swear she has my nose! It's true!

I have a complete placenta previea, so I'm on pelvic rest and can't exercise. I'm bummed because I've been working on getting in shape. I'm hoping it resolves on its' own. If I end up bleeding at all I'll be on hospital bed rest until the bleeding stops. It's one of those things that could be nothing, could fix itself, or could be really serious.

We go back in 4 weeks for another check to make sure it's not hindering fetal growth and to see if it has moved. If it doesn't move by the end of the pregnancy, I'll end up with a c-section.

The baby had a cyst on her brain, but apparently these are common and they are more concerned with the previa than the cyst. Still, not exactly what you want to here you know?

Still, she is healthy and there are much worse things that we could have found out than a previa or a cyst. A girl...wow.

Sad

My husband's cousin who recently found out she was pregnant and decided to keep it just found out this morning that she will miscarry. She called me just crying her heart out about it. I really feel for her and it has me very sad. It brought back a lot of sad memories for me of my own miscarriages. I wish there were something I could do for her to make her feel better, but I know there isn't. I just let her know that I am here if she needs to talk and how much I understand that this sucks. I hope she heals soon.

Alien

So, I've been feeling the baby on and off lately. It's really true what they say about it starting like butterflies. It's super light and fluttery. A couple of times I've actually felt a full on poking feeling.

I'm not going to lie, the poking thing creeped me out.

When I've told other women that have children that, they look at me like I am the worst mother in the world. Well fucking excuse me! It is kind of creepy when you feel something kick you from the inside for the first time. It's like the movie Alien or something.

The movements are still really sporadic, but I'm getting more used to them and (dare I say it) hopeful I'll feel it even more soon. You see, if I don't feel it much for a couple of days I start to worry. Thank God for home dopplers.

I'm not showing very much yet either which is really strange. I'm 18 weeks as of today and thought I would be bigger by now. I'm ready for the full on pregnancy belly. I want the world to know now.

I've been also thinking about the title of this blog lately. Does it still work? I would like to keep the blog going even after I have the baby, but I don't feel so bluesy about all this anymore. To keep the title or not? What do you think?

oh, and one more thing

I totally forgot to mention the best news of all. My old co-worker who miscarried right after me gave birth to her son last week. Almost exactly a year after she miscarried. I don't think I could be happier for another human being. They are both doing well and she had a great birth experience which gives me lots of hope for mine.

It's really a full circle moment. I went from being pregnant with her, to jealous she still was; from grieving with her, to jealous she was pregnant again; from being in the sisterhood of pregnancy and now, finally, overjoyed that she has her baby and is a mom. What a wild ride and a huge lesson.

bad blogger

Life has been crazy and I have been a bad blogger. Shame on me!

The past couple of weeks have been eventful. The pregnant family member has decided to keep the baby. It will be a tough road for her, but I'm glad she has come to a decision that she is happy with and feels is right for her.

In the past couple of weeks we've found out about 2 other pregnancies among family/friends, so that is pretty exciting. It seems like there is something in the water over here.

Last week I fainted in the grocery store and ended up with a trip to the ER in an ambulance. Everything is fine, but it was a bit scary and was a REALLY long night. We did get a sonogram out of it though. It was so funny because when we had the NT screen the baby was asleep and we didn't see much movement. Well, apparently I have a night owl because at one in the morning the kid was punching me in my uterus. Full arm extend and punching mom..over and over. My husband is into martial arts, so the kid must take after him.

My 20 week sonogram is 5 weeks away at 21 weeks and I think I will die if I have to wait that long. I really really want to know what the sex of this baby is. I think it is a boy, but am ready for some confirmation so I can start picking things out.

In just the past couple of weeks I've begun to realize that this pregnancy is real, and here, and not going anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I still worry about something going wrong, but at a more normal amount now.

I know I still need to get a sonogram picture up...I will...soon....I hope....

a year ago

It was a year ago that I had my d&c for my last miscarriage. It's been on my mind the past week, but not as much as I thought it would be. I think the excitement of this pregnancy is helping me not focus on the past. Still, I feel some guilt for not being more sad about it. I suppose I've done my grieving and have let much of it go. I haven't brought any of this up to my husband. I don't know if he realized it was a year ago and I don't want to make him sad.

There was some family drama this week as well. A family member who has a child and is currently on welfare called to tell me she is pregnant again. She doesn't know what to do and is leaning towards abortion. She kept trying to get me to tell her what to do, but that isn't my place. I told her to go to planned parenthood and talk to a counselor there. Hopefully they can help her. I don't know that I'm the best person to ask for advice on this subject. Being that I am pregnant, my point of view on everything is different. No one else in the family knows and I was the only person she felt she could reach out to. I feel bad for her, but angry that she wasn't more responsible.

I still need to get my sono pic scanned. I totally slacked this weekend! I'll get to it soon though, I promise!

I've been feeling pretty well. I still get nauseous on and off and today it is worse than it has been in a couple of weeks. I'm having lots of "growing pains" in my uterus this week as well. It's not really painful, but more uncomfortable. I'm still having trouble gaining weight, but have gained back what I lost at least. Doc is not going to be happy at my next appointment. Hopefully I'll put on a few pounds over the next week!

I'm back

Sorry it's taken so long to update! Vacation was nice and relaxing, but my first week back at work was mad, so I couldn't get to the blog until now. We went to the beach and had a great time, but it is nice to be home.

We had the NT screen on Monday and everything looked great. I still need to scan the sono picture and get it up here. Hopefully I can do that this weekend. It was great to see the kid and it was the first time it really looked like a baby. We could see fingers, arms legs...and the best part was the few times it moved around. Apparently we have a lazy baby as I would have to cough or move to get the baby to wake up, but it would always fall back asleep. Takes after his or her father.

Now that our families know that I'm pregnant, we are getting inundated with questions. Everyone is asking me about weather they will be allowed to come to the hospital. I don't want any family to come until after the baby is born. The first hour or so after birth I just want it to be my husband and I, so we plan on calling the family to come after the baby is born. The families are not happy about this and continue to try and convince me that they should be there. I'm standing my ground though and hoping it doesn't cause too many problems.

How did/are you all handling the family issues that come up during pregnancy?

12 week appointment

So, I had my 12 week appt yesterday. We scheduled it a bit early (I'm 11 weeks 4 days) because we are on vacation this upcoming week. Anyway, she couldn't find the h/b on doppler which would have totally freaked me out, but I had already found it at home. Luckily, since she couldn't find it I got another sono! It was so cool to see the baby again. I've basically had a sono every couple of weeks now which has given me such relief.

The only bad news it that I am borderline anemic which she isn't too worried about. I just need to start trying to eat more iron rich foods. (The steak she suggested is out though because I'm a vegetarian.) I also lost 2 lbs the past 2 weeks which she was not very happy about. Hopefully I'll start gaining soon! (never thought I'd say that!).

My NT screen is a week from Monday too, so I get to see our bean again! I need to start scanning the sonogram pictures soon!

I' m off to the beach for vacation tomorrow and can't wait. I'll post something after the NT screen once we get back.